A girl was in a class room, and the teacher was talking about whales. The little girl said Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher said no, whales throats are to small, it could not happen. Well I will ask him when I get to heaven. said the little girl. The teacher replied well what if Jonah didn't go to heaven. The little girl said well why don't u ask him.

There's a church of about 2000 members. One day, as the pastor gives his sermon, 2 men walk in wearing heavy over coats. They pull out guns and then say "everyone who doesn't want to die for your Jesus get out now!" so 99% of the church runs away in a panic. Once they're all gone, the lead man says "ok pastor, we've weeded out the luke warm Christians, you can continue with your sermon now."

An atheist is walking through a forest admiring nature. He's thinking of how great mother nature is and evolution. Then a bear comes out of the trees and starts chasing him. He runs as fast as he can, but the bear is still gaining. Then he trips, sees the bear, and then cries out "God help me!" Then everything freezes and he hears a great voice asking him why he's calling on him NOW. He comes up with some stupid answer and God agrees to give him what he wants. The man says "Make the bear a Christian so he can't eat me!" So God does. Then the bear kneels and says "Father, bless this food that I am about to eat..." Poor poor Mr. Atheist...

There was a man driving his car, and he got to an intersection when the light turned yellow. He stopped instead of going through, even though he could have made it. The lady starts screaming profanity and other insults and curses at the man and then a cop pulls her over and asks for her license and registration. He then arrests her and she spends the day in jail. Then the cop who arrested her opens up her cell door and says "I'm terribly sorry for this misunderstanding, ma'am. I saw all those Christian bumper stickers and pro life stickers on your car and heard you screaming out obscenities so naturally I'd assumed you'd stolen the car."

A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

Ten Inches Deep A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not. Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy. "Hey" asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle." The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across." The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation. "Wow!" exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."